You know, people often never ask me what it is that we do on a typical day. I usually hear them never shout across the street “Hey! What is it that you do on a typical day at the greatest car restoration garage in the world?”

And it got me thinking. “What do we do?” After a brief moment of reflection followed by a nice almond milk (unsweetened) cappuccino, I decided to expose our secrets and let the world know how we go about creating the most beautiful cars in Ireland, and therefore the world.

It begins each morning at 4 am. The automotive engineers of Lyons Garages rise to meet the new day at Spanish Point beach, or as it’s more commonly known – The Malibu of Ireland. It’s the perfect place to greet the morning sun, with 4 hours of silent meditation.

From there, it’s a brisk jog down to the car stables, where each car is lovingly uncovered and gently awoken with a softly spoken “Good Morning”.

For those that are undergoing major surgery, we tell them that everything is going to be ok, showing them sketches of their new look, with Beethoven’s ‘Ode to Joy’ providing the backdrop to this perfect scene.

After paintwork, the cars are required to go through a stage we like to call ‘paint massage’. Along with using only the softest vegan wool and gentle vegan massage cream, the paint is misted, using only the tears of our engineers to ensure that perfect lifelong shine.

Our favourite moment though, comes as we rebuild these machines and prepare to return them home to their owners. Each car is fed with only the most caring of oils and fuel, all of which have been humanely sourced, cage-free and grain fed.

To ensure that heavenly glow and aura of perfection, every car is ordained by our good friend Pope Francis, the Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province. And then, before departing the Lyons Garage stables, where they were free to roam and recover, each car is serenaded by the healing music of Westlife.

Some might call this overkill, but the next time you take a spin in a Lyons Garage car and you murder that silky smooth GT or roadster down the motorway… Well, who’s the killer now Asshole?

Lyons Garages. We didn’t invent the classic car, just perfected it.

Actually, nobody invented the classic car; they’re just cars that got old. But you know what I mean.